Hello, the start of it all :)

Hello, I am new to all of this but thought it would be a good idea to write a journal not only so I can share this amazing experience with all my friends, family or anyone who wants a nose its  so I can also look back in months/years to come =)

You may want to grab a cuppa and a few biscuits as this is a long post…sorry…

My Background:

I am Lucy, 21 and I live in my own flat with my 3 cats (crazy cat lady ha ha) in a little village in Devon. I’m currently working as a night time care assistant in a home which specializes in looking after young adults with physical and mental disabilities and I must say I really enjoy my job.

I have a really supportive family and an amazing OH. We are currently living apart but hoping to move into a bigger house together in a few months’ time.

The last few months have been an emotional roller coaster, but I am here now writing this Journal. It all started on New Year’s Day ’12 when I discovered I was pregnant. The OH and I were over the moon; at the time I found out I was about 6 weeks. Everything was going smoothly and we were so excited that at 8 weeks we decided to tell the family. Everyone was thrilled and really happy for us. At the beginning of 9 weeks, also the week of my 21^st birthday, I had some very slight spotting. I had called the midwife and she said it was a common issue in early pregnancy however sent me for an internal scan. The day of the scan came 23^rd January 2012, we were full of mixed emotions, hoping for the best but expecting the worst. I remember walking into the scanning room not sure what to think. The sonographer was reassuring that it would be nothing, so that gave me a little hope. She began to do the internal and seemed to take a fair while looking around; I knew it was bad news when she brought someone in for a second opinion. I then heard that dreaded sentence “I’m afraid it’s bad news”. My OH and I just looked at each other and burst into tears. Even though I had only known for 3 weeks that a little baby had been growing away inside me I had still built up a bond. The sonographer lets us have some time alone and she then explained that the baby’s heart had stopped beating at 8 weeks and diagnosed a missed miscarriage. To think that the times where I had told my family and my baby had actually passed by then shattered my heart. The midwife came in for a chat and gave me some options of what I would like to happen next. I chose to have a D&C as I wanted it over as soon as possible and that was booked in for the 25^th January 2012. The hours up until the time of my operation dragged and were mainly a blur, filled with lots of tears and cuddles from relatives. My OH felt he had to be strong for me, but when I was keeping myself occupied he would break down, that killed me. So the day of my operation came and went pretty quickly, I was surprised how quickly it’s all over and done with. My Boss at work was lovely and allowed me to have much time off as I needed. I only ended up having a week off as I needed a distraction and work was the only thing that took my mind off everything. The recovery was pretty quick too, I only bled for a week after and that was that. After a week or so when everything wasn’t so raw me and the OH had a chat and decided we would wait a few months before we started to try again as finding out I was pregnant the first time made me realise how much we wanted children. So we carried on with our lives as normal.

21^st March 2012 - 8 weeks post operation:

I still hadn’t had a period after my D&C and remember the midwife saying it should come back to normal after about 4-6 weeks. I still had a few pregnancy tests left from last time, so I decided to do one. I knew it would come back negative anyway. To my shock it came back a very strong positive, very quickly. I could not believe it!! I ran into the front room waving it in my OH’s face shouting “I’m pregnant again!!!” His response was “Do you mind not waving that in my face as it has your pee on!” We looked each other and just laughed and massive smiles grew on our faces. I don’t think either of us could believe it.

My BFP!!!

26^th March 2012 – First Doctors appointment.

I got the ball rolling and had booked in an appointment as after the MMC I didn’t want anything happening this time. To my surprise the doctor explained that nothing different would actually happen, it’s only after 3 miscarriages that they do things differently. This annoyed me a little bit as I really thought they would do more. However we discussed dates and the DR reckons I would be about 7 weeks, meaning that I conceived on the 6^th February 2012 only 12 days after my D&C!! I couldn’t believe I could that be that far along as I only received my BFP the week before. Anyway she sent me on my way saying that a midwife would get in touch with me.

I rang my mum tonight and told her that I was pregnant again, she was happy but of course she explained she was worried after last time and that we will just have to take one step at a time.

2^nd April 2012 – Call from the Midwife

So the midwife rang today, explained she was happy to see my name on the books again as she would have been my midwife the last time. We had a good chat and booked my booking appointment for 10^th April 2012. 

5^th April 2012 – Brown Bleeding

I woke up this morning to brown bleeding; I automatically thought the worst as this is how things started last time. I decided to leave it a couple hours to see if it would die down and if not I would call the midwife for some advice. I was a little worried as well as I had work in the evening and couldn’t exactly relax. A few hours passed and there was no change so I decided to ring. The first thing she said was that brown blood is old blood so not to worry too much, however she would get me booked in for a scan just in case after everything that had happened previously. She rung back about an hour later saying the only time they could see me would be on the 11^th April 2012 due to the bank holiday. I agreed to it anyway but was a little worried that it was too long to wait and the worst would happen before that. We decided to change my booking appointment to the 14^th April 2012 as it seemed more suitable after the scan.

11^th April 2012 – Scan Day

The days from since I had my bleeding and now have seemed to just drag and drag. However the bleeding only lasted a day then seemed to go back to normal, though still had me worry as I am a bit of a flap I must admit! So my appointment was at 9:00AM and I was very scared to say the least. I walked down the corridor and all the feelings and heartbreak came flooding back from last time, the midwives told me to wait in the waiting room and I just wanted to burst into tears. They could see how upset I was getting so put me into a private room, luckily it wasn’t the room I was in last time. I would have refused to go in. The wait seemed like forever, they did mention they were overly busy due to the bank holiday, but it was at least an hour before I got seen. Different midwives came in and out asking various questions, but finally one came in and told me they were all ready to have me scanned. It was the same scanning room as last time and my heart just sunk, I couldn’t go through another heartbreak in such a short space of time. Once again the sonographer got prepared and started to have a look around, she was taking a while and I began to worry again as this is what happened last time, however she turned the screen around to face me and said “There is your baby and its beating little heart, your 9 weeks 2 days”. I have never felt such an overcome of relief and the amount of love I instantly felt just from seeing our little baby was amazing. Let’s just say I was smiling for a very long time after!!! Me and the OH decided to name the Baby Jellybean =)

Picture of Jelly Bean

14^th April 2012 – First Midwife Appointment

So today was the day of my midwife appointment, I wasn’t sure what to expect but I had read that it was lots of form filling and questions so I decided not to take the OH along with me as he would just get bored. It was exactly that, although my midwife is lovely and said she will do her best to look after me during the pregnancy. I also got my bounty pack which made it feel real now. It was mainly just full of information and my green pregnancy record book. She done the usual and weighed and measured me and booked me in to have bloods taken to check for Downs Syndrome and Gestational Diabetes.

 First Bump Picture – 9+5

Not really sure if I can call it a bump yet, just looks like bloat to me!

19^th April 2012 – Received a letter

Today I received a letter from the NHS in the post and to my surprise it was my Dating and NT scan! I really didn’t think I would receive it so soon, however it’s booked in for 1^st May 2012 =D Only 12 days to wait =)

Second Bump Picture – 10+5

Not sure if there is really much of a change from last week?! Sorry about the messy room ha ha.

23^rd April 2012 – 2^nd Midwife Appointment

Today was the day to have my bloods taken and I was dreading it as I HATE having my bloods taken due to experiences when I was younger (I won’t go there don’t worry). Anyhow, I had woken up in a pretty good mood and feeling fairly well, I’ve normally being feeling a bit nauseous when waking up. The OH and I decided to get breakfast in town before my appointment to make the most of me feeling normal again ha ha. So after breakfast we made our way to the appointment and I was bricking it. Getting all clammy and starting to freak out. Luckily I had OH with me to keep me calm. The midwife was lovely though and decided to get it done as soon as I got in so it was over and done with =) It seemed like she took loads of bloods but she only actually took 40MLS! 
She then asked the normal questions of how i had been, weighed and measured me again etc No change from last week, woo hoo! She then asked me if i wanted to try and find the baby's heartbeat, but pointed out that it may not be able to be heard just yet. I jumped at the chance anyway :) She managed to find Jellybean's heartbeat straight away, beating nice and strong, loud and clear. What an amazing sound to listen to, i could have sat there all day! Im so tempted to buy a doppler now, just so i can have a listen now and again :) I am now looking forward to my dating scan even more :D 

Sorry for the long post, it wont be like this all the time, i plan on updating regularly :) 

Lucy xx